Saying Good Bye

I've never been a big fan of good-bye... I find it difficult to leave the company of friends and family, though I tend to be a bit of a loner. Good bye to clients and coworkers is often difficult too, because there is always more to say...

To this year, however, goodbye will be easy. 2009 (as evidenced in SO many blog posts) has been a very difficult year - but one that has nevertheless left me (and us) with a sense of achievement... managing through the ridiculousness of life and coming out the other side stronger and wiser and with a sense of having survived, if nothing else.

So, to 2009:

Good bye packing and moving and the seemingly endless search for somewhere to live.

Good bye emergency surgeries.

Good bye landlord from another dimension (I swear, alien DNA MUST have been present in that mind... though that may be giving her brain too much credit).

Good bye to 2 friends that couldn't beat their illnesses.

Good bye to all of the tension and stress that all of these events have caused.

It's time for me to let all of you go.

_______


Hello 2010 and your shining and endless boon of possibilities. I think we're going to get along just fine.

And now for something COMPLETELY different...

Wow. What a crazy-busy weekend!

We both had a great day on Friday, so we decided to treat ourselves (well, courtesy of our Realtor, actually) to dinner at The Keg - yum!... Saturday was a wash what with adding 5" to my gown/shopping for a bit of understated but elegant bling/buying a suit for my work party - but WOW, it was worth it! I tell ya, the folks that I work with are an amazing bunch, with leadership that CARES. I was so nervous - crazy, right? I haven't really dressed up in a LONG time (probably since my 1996 wedding, actually)... so I was concerned about the 'look'... and I've heard so much about the legendary Christmas Party that I was worried that my expectations simply wouldn't be met. I've been to a LOT of Christmas parties over the years, and I have to say that this one made all of the others look like a McDonalds birthday party in comparison.

We arrived (me nervously pulling at my bodice wondering if I let the 'girls' out for too much air), and all of my concerns/hesitations/trepidations were INSTANTLY assuaged as soon as we walked in the door. Those put aside, we thoroughly enjoyed everything from the company to the sit-down dinner through the music and dancing and home again. Chris shone like I've never seen him - I'm a lucky, lucky girl... he was also terribly impressed that we dined with not one, but TWO medal-winning Olympians (one a first year Consultant and the other the wife of a long-time Consultant). I loved seeing him like that... and DAMN, talk about sexy in his suit! (which I've also never seen - he's a programmer). All in all, one of the best evenings I've had - certainly THE best work party.

Then I got a call from my Mum. OOPS! Forgot about my sister's birthday! So I figured that I would do the shopping that I'd been putting off. SUCCESS!!! Birthday and Christmas pressies galore - and I'm happy with EVERYTHING! Another hurdle cleared... then off to dinner with my sis and parents. As I sit here this morning, I feel like I'm starving - a food hangover, certainly... no one can eat that much rich food in a weekend and fit into their suit on a Monday morning! Nothing but yogurt, granola, fruit and salad (and certainly no more alcohol!) until Christmas for this (very happy) camper.

So... a Very Merry Christmas to all - and I truly hope that you will be as fortunate as I feel going into 2010.

XO

Thank You.

Two words that mean A LOT.

Would it KILL ya to say them???

Awhile back I was frustrated with my life - cooking, cleaning, driving kids around, work, etc., etc.... well, none of that has changed significantly, if at all... but you know what? I would REALLY like a "thank you" every now and again - from EVERYone that lives in this house. I work hard... at work, at home and seemingly FOR everyone's benefit (with the possible exception of mine - but that's a Mom's job right?? no really...).

Today has tipped it. I'm plain old pissed off. I cook - in the old days, that meant that SOMEONE ELSE did the dishes, no? Well, so much for that. I left them. Fuck it, I said, I'm not doing them. That was 2 days ago. Woke up this morning, hoping the kitchen elf had come and he had not. Went out to buy some fabric to lengthen my dress for our Christmas party next weekend... HOPED to come home to SOMEthing done - was it? NO! So I did it rather than do what I wanted to do, which was work on my dress. I chastised myself the entire time FOR doing it, but I did it - and it's made me a Very Grumpy Bear. WHY??? WHY am I the only one that can clean up around here? And now, to top it off, I'm doing everyone's laundry.

So really folks - what do you think? Thank You? Is it so hard?

Awh...

Poor Bear. We've hemmed and hawed about getting him neutered for nearly a year - but he's undergoing the proceedure today :(. It makes me sad because we had wanted, initially, to breed him. But because we both procrastinate horribly when it comes to all things home, we realized that we probably weren't going to get around to posting the necessaries to put him out there. So no mini-bears *sigh*. Probably best though - this will likely curb any aggressive behaviour that may have developed as well as perhaps lower his testosterone level so that he doesn't freak out anymore (2x daily, akin to the cats going berserk).

Ah, weekends...

This one was great! I must admit, though, that it wasn't the most relaxing weekend ever...

We spent most of the weekend unpacking (FINALLY - we moved Aug. 15th!) - it was REALLY nice to put things in places, hang things on walls (even though we still need to paint) and shove things in the basement that we're not going to need until the basement is finished.

I REALLY like the feeling of having done something - especially something that's been inadvertently put on the back burner for SO long. You know what I ALSO really like? Being able to walk through our house without constantly banging into things, thinking "jeez - I really need to do something about that".

Will post photos when we've painted :) (or when we've Christmas-ized the house).

Really?

Is this REALLY how I roll?

cleaning/cooking/shopping/paying bills/working/taking care of kids/driving people places/laundry/home improvement projects/... I could go on, but my point is:

REALLY?

good god that's boring.

A new ... something?

Not really.

I have decided a few things:

1. I'm tired of living in boxes - it's TIME to finish unpacking, which necessarily means:

2. We need to finish the basement. YIKES! Expensive, but necessary - we'll just have to do it a bit at a time, starting with framing... wood's cheap, right? Anyone know any electricians that will work for food? Once the electrical's roughed in, we can insulate, drywall and install the carpet/hardwood/w'ever... which means that the girls can move into their new spaces/unpack their playroom and we can have our OFFICE!!!! (which means that I won't be posting from the desk in our bedroom! - which, by the way, is VERY EXCITING!!!). The basement bathroom will have to wait though - bathrooms are VERY expensive. Guess we'll just have to put the walls up (the plumbing's already roughed in), close the door and hope for a lottery windfall :).

I'm actually very excited about the idea of starting all of this. I like working with my hands - I work with my head most of the time, so it'll be a nice change. I'm going to take the first step this afternoon after work - measuring, taping (removing and changing the plan 5 times, at least), then figuring out wood requirements for framing, etc. IF I'm lucky (and fast, and GOOD), maybe we can have our office for Christmas! Baby steps, right?

3. Speaking of baby... we're going to give it one more shot the old fashioned way. If the worse happens again (ectopic, surgery, etc), IVF is the only way that I will consider. Some (my parents, for example) think I'm crazy for trying - but hey, it is what it is. I hope it will work out for the best this time.

Come the end of the year, I WILL have a big decision to make... whether or not I wish to continue in my current position. It has its benefits - but also its challenges. To the good?: Time. I build my schedule to meet the needs of everyone around me. That's a BIG DEAL. To the bad?: If I don't work, I don't get paid. New client acquisition is always an issue. People are shy about what I do - they tend not to see it as, for example, savings for their retirement (boat, house, whatever) as much as they see it as giving someone else their money. Not sure how to get around that/alter/change their thinking or assumptions. Enh. It'll either happen or it won't. Meantime, I'll just keep plugging away.

And thus ends this particular installment of suburbanwank. Ciao for now - and if you know anyone who needs my particular expertise (or an electrician that's willing to work for food), let me know!

Since the last time....

My, what an interesting roller coaster is this life thing.

Since last time...

Winnipeg. *sigh* For work... 6 days/5 nights of the worst hotel in the worst city (my opinion only) on the planet. I *do* wish they'd move head office to somewhere more civilized! And to top off the loneliness of being away from home, I didn't feel well the entire time - so going out was kinda out of the question... which leads me to...

Pregnant... again. Found out the day after I got home. Weeee... now for the waiting. HCG tests, ultrasound in 2 weeks which leads me to...

THE WORST ULTRASOUND CLINIC IN THE UNIVERSE!!!!! The tech was HORRIBLE - at 6 weeks, trans-vaginal is the only way to find anything... instead (and inspite of positive and rising HCG bloodtests) I am told that "I'm NOT pregnant because she can't find anything". This was a Monday. Sigh... leading me to....

Wednesday. Felt ill. Called clients to cancel meetings 'cause I was feeling feverish and morning sicknessish. Got a phone call from my Dr. at noon - she wanted me to go in for yet ANOTHER blood test and a proper ultrasound at RCH. YAY! Blood tests!!! *sigh*.... which lead to...

Another ectopic pregnancy - fraternal twins this time (2 embryonic sacs). Emergency surgery an hour or so later. Overnight in the hospital. Yucky horrible emotional roller coaster - hey, isn't that where we started?

The surgeon was able to save the tube - I suppose that will mean another internal x-ray to determine whether or not it's open *enough* to consider trying to get pregnant the old fashioned way again. I dunno. Maybe we should just find the money for IVF? At least then the embryo(s) will land in the right spot?

It's been 6 days and I'm no closer to an answer that's right for me. I don't want to risk my life anymore - but we still do want to have a baby. Shouldn't be this hard, should it?

Stolen

Well, it's finally happened to someone I know.

My identity stolen and my accounts maxed out/emptied.

*sigh*

Maybe this year's not so good isn't over yet.

Home sweet home?

After months of drama, heartache, frustration and disappointment, we're home.

Our home.

We even bought/unpacked/set up a shed! You only do that if you're staying, right?

It's going to take me a little while to get accustomed to owning again - funny that. But I suppose that the renting experience of the last year has scarred me ;)... okay, maybe only a little... It's more the MOVING 4 TIMES that's scarred me!

C is doing the full commute from Langley to Yaletown today... and I feel for him completely. IF he catches the right bus, the commute should last 1hr 22minutes.. start to finish (including the walk to the office from skytrain). If not? 2 hours or more, depending on just how much the bus was missed by. Translink? If you want people to use your services (rather than buying a car and driving in, which is what he's talking about at the moment), you NEED to make them more accessible/frequent/cheaper. The traffic on the #1 is caused by people that live here! Right - going to stop there before it becomes a full-on rant.

Back to the house :)

We need to fence the back of the back yard... we need to finish the basement for the girls... other than that? Can't WAIT to hit the garden store! (to that end, we've made a pact - one that I'm positive will be broken the SECOND we step foot inside the hothouses... we're actually trying to make ourselves believe that we're only going to "have a look" ... to "scope out" what's available and "make a plan" for the yard. Yeah. We'll see.)

It's getting done. And the more stuff that gets put away, the better it feels.

Hope to invite all of you over soon :)

A wee rant. Sorry.

WHAT IS IT with nutbar landladies??? I'm WORKING, madame, which is why I am not answering my cell phone. I am SPEAKING WITH A CLIENT, madame. There is absolutely no need to track down Chris's sister, rant at HER about me not picking up my phone, tell HER that you heard from your son who heard from a friend who heard from someone else that the daughter of our back alley neighbour said that we're not moving out on the 31st, then tell HER that if we're not out by 2:30 on the 31st you "might as well call your lawyer now and declare bankruptcy" for crying out LOUD.

1. Becci's amazing - but she does not follow our every move - and even if she did, what right do you have to call her to try to track us down DURING WORK HOURS???
2. Bankruptcy? Okay, well, you're nuts... but here it is - you do not declare bankruptcy by calling your lawyer.
3. DO NOT use - what? 5th party information to disrupt all of our lives! Lady - your son, who heard it from someone who heard it from someone who heard it from someone else is WRONG.

How on EARTH do you function in everyday life? Try picking up the phone IN THE EVENING - or leave us a message rather than sending a terse fax to my place of business.

Lady, I will be glad to be done here.

... one week and counting

I hate packing - have I mentioned that?

Moving itself isn't so bad... particularly the last 3, 'cause I put out for movers. This time though, we're using PODS in an effort to save a little $$, so we're packing and moving ourselves. The GREAT thing about this is that we'll have 3 days to load (not a couple of hours), won't be charged for mileage, get free storage at their facility (okay, maybe not FREE, but certainly included in the price) and then, 15 days later, like magic, our stuff shows up and we'll have 3 days to UNpack! (the 3-day thing is completely arbitrary and self-imposed... we're wonderful people, but DO tend a bit toward procrastination). I like the break in-between: not the "where are we going to stay"-ness; rather the "we don't have to move everything we own twice in the same day"-ness. That said, if you're around next week (tues-thurs) and want to throw things in boxes, or possibly into the PODS, PLEASE help :)

Ah, but back to packing. I don't know why it's such a difficult thing to put one's things into boxes. I spend time worrying about it, wondering which object should go into which box with what... time looking at everything, cleaning everything ('cause the box cares, y'know), wrapping it... for what, really? I don't have issues packing other people's stuff - just mine/ours. Here we find the root of my procrastination. I don't WANT to look at everything, clean everything, worry about everything - it's ridiculous! I can't even count the number of times I've nearly wished for a house to burn down JUST so that I don't have to pack! *sigh*

All of that said, we're nearly done with this house. Not even close to being done moving and packing - but there's just over a week left and then we WILL be done. Thank goodness.

And.... Jazz Hands....

Well, it took some doing... and we ARE going to be homeless for 2 weeks - but we've finally found a place to live. It's in Langley, of all places (guess I'm spawning) - but it's only 12 years old, big enough for all of us (3 stories and 2200 sq. ft), has a hot tub and a heat pump (AIR CONDITIONING!!! WOOT!!!) and room enough for us to get away from one another when needs be.

We need to finish the basement: it will be the girl's space; complete with THEIR bedrooms, THEIR bathroom, a playroom and some storage, of course. We also need to fence in the back yard on day 1 - but YAY US! We DID it!

... one to go...

Update: Only a partial blockage in my still attached fallopian tube. Doc thinks that's pretty good news, and that there's less than a 10% chance of ANOTHER ectopic... so we're going to keep trying before resorting to IVF.

... now for the House.

One down...

Two to go...

SCG results today at Noon. Will update.

STILL waiting to hear about the Queen's Park house - keep your fingers crossed for us!... and on that front... Our dispute was successful - we're NOT going to be kicked out of our abode by month-end (phew!)... we do, however, need to be out by end of July.

*sigh*

HOLEEEE gimme a break, Universe!

So, since the last time I posted....

Ectopic pregnancy = SCG xray. NEVER want to do one of those again! ... that said, I see the need to know whether or not the other tube is viable. Hopefully all will be well - won't find out until next Thurs. though. I suppose if it isn't, then we'll be looking at IVF. Not so bad, but the risk of multiples is very high (remember the lady with octuplets? EEK!)

Oldest child broke her wrist after she fell *walking* to a May Day practice...

The house we're living in has been sold. Depending on the outcome of our dispute, we may have to be out of this house by the end of June. CRAP. We've been house hunting for several months now, to no avail. This is REALLY HARD. That said, and to that end, we went and saw an absolutely perfect-for-us house (rental) in the Queen's Park area... IN our price range. We're waiting to hear back. It's very hard to wait. PLEASE send us good juju.

I'm feeling overwhelmed by the possibility of not having a place to live in the very near future. The yukky anxiety pangs started this morning... I'm going to try some self-hypnosis to abate these symptoms tonight. Again - wish me luck.

... and now for a little reality...

Sadly we found out on Monday that the pregnancy was ectopic. I was rushed into emergency surgery and had to have my left fallopian tube removed, along with the thumb-sized growth that had taken over the tube. The loss of the potential baby hit me on Monday while I was waiting for surgery, but the gravity of the life-threatening situation didn't hit me until yesterday afternoon. Apparently I "should" have ruptured a couple of weeks ago... I'm not sure how I feel about that... shaken, certainly... - but I mean really... we're each in life-threatening situations daily... driving, waiting for a bus, walking down the street... I suppose that this was just more "immanent", as it were. Meantime, I'm trying to sort those feelings out (but not searching too hard for answers), resting my very sore belly and trying desperately to find SOMEthing on daytime TV.

So...

7 wks Pregnant, mortgage-approved and house hunting this weekend!

Egad.

Domesticity

Hmm.

We've been living together now for just over a month and it's been just amazing. We've both partnered-up before - me for 10 years, him for 7... so my thinking coming in was that we'd need time apart... "me" time, as it were - but honestly? We were laying together on the couch yesterday bemoaning the fact that the weekend was already nearly over and why, WHY couldn't we just have another day.

In this month several things have happened: he's gained 2 girls to parent (who absolutely love him), we've started putting a sincere effort into adding to our family and we got a pupppyyyyyyy!

... his name is Bear and he's AWESOME!

The girls have adapted SO well to the new house, the new school, the new puppy... and not least to the MUCH shorter commute to the ferry each weekend.

We still have much work to do towards unpacking and fixing up the house so that it's precisely what we need (the girls need new bedrooms downstairs so that we can have our planned office and nursery upstairs), but hey - it's pretty great. I'm very much looking forward to all of this because when it's done, it means we can fill up the hot tub and have a good, long soak.

Teehee.

Adjusting...

We're moved... we're living as a family... and EVERYthing that goes with that.

I'm having some serious problems with my 9 year old... yes, I know, 9 is a notoriously difficult age... but c'mon - I should NOT have to bodily install her at the school each morning. She's making friends - she comes home very happy. Getting her there is another issue altogether. Advice, anyone? Seriously.

In other news... we're in our new place in New Westminster (or The Mizzle, as Saint Aardvark calls it). Love it. LOVE IT. We have a lot of work to do to make the space entirely usable for ourselves (like tearing out carpet, building walls, drywalling the ceiling in the basement), but I'm actually looking forward to it!

My partner (Naked - his nickname for YEARS) is an amazing, amazing individual and I can't believe how lucky I am to have him in my life full-time. The girls ADORE him (and my youngest quite probably has a HUGE crush on him).

That's it for today. Have an amazing weekend.

PS - this is my 100th post! Wow.