The noise in my head

Do you ever get that? The noisy/static-y confusion that happens when there is too much to do and everything, regardless of what you do to appease the gods of crazy-making, just piles up?

I'm there.

Again.

The noise in my head is getting too loud. So loud in fact, that I don't even know where to start.

The sensible part of me is shouting "Just start somewhere... put the dishes in the dishwasher"(for example)... but the unreasonable part is saying... "okay, but what about the big issues that are pending at work... what about the birthday party... the laundry... what about everything else that ISN'T the dishes"?

So I've said STOP. And now I'm writing about it with the hope that seeing the words written down will calm the crazy.

I need to write a list; a list with 2 columns: side one will be everything that needs doing and side two will be everything that needs doing that I can't do anything about until I hear back/the other guy does his bit/hell freezes over. Maybe... just maybe that will appease the gods of crazy-making. For now.

*update*: The list is made. Turns out that some of the things that I didn't realize were important are. Like setting up my office stuff outside of my bedroom. SOON. I need it to be organized. It also turns out that I have WAY more to do than can be accomplished in a day... or even a week... without help. One thing at a time. Those check marks will feel good. As will getting the stuff off of the "things I can't do anything about right now" list. Clarity is helping... but not as much as 2 more people, 8 more arms, an unlimited budget and time to myself would. Ooo - there's another one for the "today" list: buy a LottoMax ticket :)

*update 2*My boobs are hurting again. Is this a new ovulation thing? Anyone else out there experience pregnancy-like boob swelling and pain during ovulation?

Yay me :)

I had a fantastic birthday. I woke up in the BEST mood and felt "light" all day. I went to meetings and told people that it was my birthday (see previous post). They responded with heartfelt "happy birthdays" and it made my day even brighter! Dozens of wishes on FB lifted my mood even more.

Chris picked up the girls because my last meeting wasn't going to be over until after 2:30 (their normal pick-up time)... I texted him when I was done and wanted to surprise them all with a blizzard (yum!)... but I didn't hear back, so I went to DQ anyway. Got home... no one here. Not even the dog. Odd. Called them twice (cell)... no answer. Perplexed now. Put the blizzards in the freezer and got out of my suit. Just as I came downstairs, my lovely people came home with a big bouquet of flowers for me! Chris made a lovely dinner and my parents and sister came over with birthday cake for dessert!.

All in all a wonderful day. Thank you all - I love you!

Gosh...

it's my birthday tomorrow.

That's got me thinking (shocking, I know). Is everyone as shy as me about telling people that it's their birthday? To me, it seems (rude/attention getting/compliment mongering/immodest/blatant) odd for ME to tell people that it's my birthday. I certainly don't feel that way when others let it be known that it's THEIR birthday.

I have this crazy ideal when it comes to me though.

I can't stand not being GREAT at something ... the FIRST TIME I DO IT. Isn't that nuts? ... but again, not something that I criticize in other people - in fact, quite the opposite. I will spend a lot of time encouraging people big and small to keep trying, that they can't possibly expect perfection the first time.

So what is it? Why do I set impossibly high standards for myself that are, frankly, inhuman?

I think that this birthday year I'm going to try working on that. Try to get to a place where I don't expect perfection from me. I will still do my best, but I will work on not being so hard on myself. That may go a long way toward lowering my stress level and probably the stress of the people around me.

Happy Birthday, Me. Take it easy on yourself!

Disappointment

So... either I was reading my body's signals wrong (unlikely), or I was and now I'm not.

That made me sad last week.

... but I'm certainly up for trying again! On a positive note? It (if it existed) wasn't ectopic :)