Summer

I can hardly believe that another summer has arrived. I am also finding it very hard to believe that the girls have only 3 1/2 days of school left. I am soon to be the Mom of a little girl who, impossibly, has become a grade six-er, and another who will enter grade 3. How does this happen?

Is it just me, or does time seem to pass more quickly as we get older?

I can physically remember the long days of summer as a child. The never ending days and long, warm nights. They seemed to last forever. I remember going back to school and seeing how much everyone had changed over the summer. Most notably, my friend Paula. She left for her summer vacation after grade 7 a slightly chubby flat-chested homely girl and came back to grade 8 taller, slimmer and gorgeous. HOW does that happen in the space of 9 weeks?

I am both looking forward to and dreading when this happens to my girls. Granted, it will be a gradual process that I will witness nearly every day... but still.

My oldest is becoming an absolute knock-out. My youngest has lost her baby look and is a beautiful little girl.

When I think about these things, I wonder where life will take them... will they have an easy life, full of joy and happiness? Will things become difficult for them as they grow older? We all go through the horrible high school years full of angst and finding ourselves... but will I be able to help them to see that regardless of how they feel in that moment, things can and will always be better?

There isn't enough time. Never enough time to spend with them ... be myself with them, without the worries of house cleaning, work, getting stuff done, getting ready for this or that, hurrying to the next thing, feeding them and guiding them through their bumps. At times this makes me feel slightly panicked... but like high school, it will resolve to other questions such as "How will they remember me?".

These questions have been brought to the forefront lately. I have had 3 friends (all Mothers) die in the last month. Cancer. THEY WERE MY AGE!!! It's not fair - not fair that they were taken so early; not fair that their children will be left without them.

Anyway.

Summer - it's here... I shall try my best to spend my time wisely.

June 8

3 years ago today, I met a friend that I hadn't seen in nearly 10 years on a beach that I hadn't been on in more than 4 years. We had communicated using social networking sites for quite some time... which led to nightly messenger conversations that kept us both up long past our bedtimes.

Today we're living together in a house we bought together, hoping to have a successful pregnancy and to bring together my children with our child(ren).

It is times like this that remind me that all of the noise and hassle of everyday life are minuscule compared to the luck and love I have in my Best Friend and Lover. We share a connection that is very special, and I think more than a bit unusual.

On that evening on the beach, we sat closer than friends should and talked until well after the sun went down about new things and old things and everything that had happened in our lives since we had last said good bye. Neither one of us wanted to part company, so we didn't.

There have been a great many ups and downs in the years between then and now, but the one constant has been each other.

I love you, baby. Thank you for everything that you bring to my life.